“More Important Than a Tea Set”

As I write, my husband is taking the first load of our belongings back to the in-laws’ place. I opted to stay behind because I felt the whole thing would be… well awkward since the in-laws still haven’t quite accepted the fact that we’ll, in one way or another, have to leave the nation eventually.

Much as I had done when I moved here, I sorted things into piles of things to give away/throw away and keep. I’ve already donated the vast majority of the books that I owned to the clinic/surgery that I go to here as they are selling donated books to raise money for programs for children with special needs. The rest of the stuff, I’m giving to friends we know in the community that are very socially active – mostly art supplies, but I also set aside some things for them to sell at their next youth group fund raiser. I had accepted already that it would mean giving up some things that were given to me before I left the States (nothing irreplaceable), but my husband unwittingly walked into a time bomb when he asked me why I was giving them away.

“You can take these with you,” he said. No, I can’t; we have only four suitcases and my allotted two are already basically full. “I could take them with me,” he suggested, bless him, but no, I still recognise that he still has to fit his whole life into those bags and he’ll have the two smallest ones to work with (though I didn’t say so outright) and weight restrictions. Still, he tried to persuade me, and finally I told (snapped is probably more accurate) him:

“Some things are more important than a tea set!”

I have to acknowledge how I feel for what it is: I’m sad and angry and I don’t want to take it out on people, I really don’t, so I’m mad at myself for having lost my sense of cool right there. So here I am, typing this as a classical singer belts out Hallelujah from the so-so built in speakers of my laptop and trying I’m trying not to ruin my face/sacrifice a whole a roll of toilet paper to my eyes and nose (use your imaginations, please don’t make me say it directly).

If tea sets mattered so much to me, I wouldn’t have given away my entire collection of miniature ones before I left the States. No matter how much I liked them. The only reason that one came with me, I have to remind myself, is because it was a last-minute gift from my mother. Who I will likely be seeing again sooner rather than later, no matter what path we ultimately take.

But I digress, the tea set ranked lower on the list of Things of Importance (™) and it had half a chance of being of some use to someone else so into the give-away pile it went.

It does anger me a fair bit, however; there are some we know who have accused me of having conspired all this to happen right from the start. Of course, I don’t need to explain here exactly in how many ways that is not only impossible but utterly ridiculous. I did not pack up/throw out/give away my whole life, job and all, in the States and move 4,000 miles away from everyone and everything I knew to spend a year in legal limbo just to have to do it all over again in reverse. This time pregnant. It pisses me off that people would even suggest it and, while I can acknowledge that is how they themselves are coping with the reality of matters as we know it, I boil on the inside at the insinuation.


I’m a bit calmer; I can’t really say that I’m thrilled or anything, but at least I’m calmer. I think it was one of those shock things that blind-sided me there. I remember having a similar feeling when I was going through the airport in Minneapolis when I left the States. The knowledge that, yes, some things are more important, but still acknowledging the fact that one needs to leave some things behind…

For those who are curious, last I heard about the #MMcase was that the legal team for the MM-side was still waiting for legal aid to be approved and that the Home Office is now in the process of sending out refusal letters. I don’t know what will happen to those of us who have received the refusals if the Supreme Court allows for an appeal; at this point only time will tell for sure.


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