Toe-Dipping Into 2014

In my teen years, when I started blogging (it was what all the popular nerds did… don’t judge me), I started a yearly process, usually back at the start of december. I would narcissistically look through my old posts and musings, pick them apart and summarise the year in a bunch of posts leading up to the new year.

It was good for self-reflection, I guess; but as I put it above, it wasn’t really so much helpful as it was trying to convince myself that I wasn’t just some whining, irritating, over-emotional teenaged douchebag vying for attention. *cough* 9_9

Be it as it may, and be proud of me for somehow managing NOT to do it this year. That still leaves me with some mental spring cleaning to do in preparation for 2014, so bear with me on this one while I take you on a delightfully obnoxious roller-coster ride that you didn’t ask to pick up.

With all of the things that have happened in 2013, I look towards 2014 with feelings of weary distrust. 2013 was a sadistic pain in the arse, but only marginally less so than 2012 in the sense that my husband and I were actually able to get married that year (2012 just dangled the carrot in front of me and every time I jumped for it, it would laugh and yank it higher until I resorted to going at its knees like an irritated beaver). 2013 was like that creepy person on the bus that won’t leave you alone – it had me emotionally charged and scared more than what should honestly be legal.

Probably because of that I’m eyeing up 2014 with more than just a touch of distrust. I’m not even flirting with the idea of doing the hokey-pokey with it; I’m not throwing in my hole self, or even a whole limb right from the word go – it will get my bit toe and only with the most hesitant of dips (you know, the kind you would see in a Bugs Bunny cartoon), likely to be followed by a shudder – because, what the heck, I never did grow out of being an over-dramatic diva – and some overtly obvious statement about how it feels.

On the wall, in an effort to keep us on track this year, my husband and I made a list of priorities for 2014; Goals that we stand a reasonable chance to meet this year that will better align ourselves for the next one. Despite my hopes for otherwise, we’re not likely to have a place of our own before the end of 2014, either. Short of something drastically changing, it just isn’t going to happen. I don’t like it, but that is reality and for all of my imaginative flights of fancy, I just have to accept it and keep trudging on. Stopping isn’t an option.

If I’m honest about it, the thought of how little was actually accomplished last year has be feeling frustrated and depressed. I’ll probably cry about it later, as that’s just how I deal with things, but I know that won’t actually change anything. If I felt like I could do something about it, I would probably feel better, but I can’t until that the VISA is approved. Which, when you strip it all back, is the only reason why our lives have solidly been put on ice.

So I’m trying to find other things to look forward to in 2014. There unfortunately isn’t much that doesn’t hinge on things that I’ve already stated before. I have one last year of US tax returns to file for the month I worked in 2013 before leaving the States, which I’ll probably get done in a day, though I don’t expect to get much back from that – if anything at all.

My husband has his taxes to do and he’s already making headway on that – he’s paid the taxes for his business already and his employer already takes out his taxes for him. All that’s left is to pay his self-employment. Come March, he’ll be filing his taxes on both his self-employment and his business, and if we’re lucky, we’ll have managed to make the income requirement (£18,600 to sponsor me) again, should they (UKBA) decide to be super-dinks and request new tax returns to assess the application even though it’s their fault for putting us on hold until the new year anyway.

Bitter? Me? Nawww, what makes you say that? But seriously, that has every potential of happening, according to our solicitor/lawyer. Really, they’re likely to try anything and everything they can to keep the number of immigrants down as much as possible – even going so far as to gamble that someone meeting the income requirement once or twice in a row is a freak accident.

A part of me wants to see how many people have been put on hold on the basis of having a non-white spouse or even having a non-english surname. Looking at the long lists of people who have been effected on Britcits, I have to admit, has me dubious that they are somehow not being biased by more than just income.

But, what would an American be – I have to ask, because that is ultimately what I am – if I wasn’t paranoid? Though, in the words of my father: Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t out to get you.

So buckle in and brace yourselves people. If 2013 was a bronco, 2014 is a bull.

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